Ah, yes, because who doesn’t wake up thinking, “You know what my diet’s missing? First-milk mystery goo!” But hey, slap a ™ on it and suddenly it’s a superfood.

400+ functional nutrients, you say? That’s great, but I’ll pass on turning my morning smoothie into a science experiment. If I wanted to drink something optimized for “resilient human health,” I’d stick with coffee—it’s bioactive, too, and at least it doesn’t come from a cow’s postpartum buffet. Ooooh Colostrum